Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
