tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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