i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
