I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
