Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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