summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
