Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
