by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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