Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
