listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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