Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
