i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
