How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
