Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
