well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
