highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
