don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have fence marks all over my body
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
