remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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