After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
