worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
