His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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