I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
