I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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