My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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