This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
