And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
