is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
