I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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