so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
