There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
