I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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