he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
