So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
