Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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