Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I died a long time ago.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
