I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
