Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
