Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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