Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
