i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
