dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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