just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
