I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
