Umm I'm too high to move.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
