I've blown a few things in my day
He had one of those small greek statue penises
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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