Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
