Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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