i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
