I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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