we're chasing vodka with high fives
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
