just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
