guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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