drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
