I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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