ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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